I am a Robert Greene fan.
<crickets....>
...someone from afar cries out, "who?!?"
Well, then. I guess this warrants further explanation.
The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War (I don't have the one he wrote with 50Cent) are all displayed prominently on my bookshelves, and the abuse each one of them has taken (bent pages, cracked spine, coffee spills/burns) would indicate that I've read them several times.
So, you guessed it--Robert Greene is an author.
Further, it comes as no surprise (well, to me I mean) that I am feeling a bit cynical this evening, and for that, I apologize; I think that my internal struggle with cynicism thanks to Greene may have influenced this week's intellectual proposition.
I shall let you be the judge, however, as to whether or not this was a good or a bad thing.
As many of you know, and if you didn't you do now, I am not that into "people." There are a select few I would ever willingly share time with, and more often than not, it shows. The true friends (not the acquaintances--you have to have those or it's really hard to survive in the world as an adult) I have are friends I've had for quite a while--it's not always easy for me to make new ones and frankly, I don't often (ok, probably never) try.
But, don't misunderstand me--I know that this is not considered "normal" and I often wish that this aspect of my personality were not so deeply rooted .
Now, before I go any further, I feel it pertinent to actually define what I mean when I say "people."
So, here it goes, for lack of a more...academic definition:
PEOPLE: Individuals who are not kids (and yes, I realize the absurdity there since EVERYONE was at one time, in fact, a kid--I never said my appeals were to logos); mostly over the age of 30 and under the age of 80 (for some reason, I find the elderly fascinating).
And there you have it--the definition of people in the world of Cassie Bunje.
This rather pessimistic and certainly asocial view of the human race is not something with which I was born, however, I feel that it began cultivating itself at a rather young age.
My childhood was not one to be looked back upon wistfully, and it didn't really get much better as I grew into young adulthood. This was due, almost entirely, to my interactions with and observations of, you guessed it--people.
In fact, until I became a teacher, I held out very little hope that I would ever be able to gaze upon the face of another human being without a hint of scorn, mistrust or distaste. True story.
Truth be told, and this is not me being dramatic at all--you could probably accurately say that teaching saved my soul. More on that later.
So, back to today (Sunday) and the churning maelstrom (look it up) of pessimism taking hold of me.
In my reading earlier ( I was searching for a quote from Greene and forgot which book it was in--so I skimmed them all), I happened upon an interesting quote.
I would like you to read and reflect on this quote, and tell me what you come up with in terms of whether or not you agree with what it says, and what it even means.
As always, qualify your answer with an anecdote of personal (or not-so-personal--whichever you prefer) experience to help illustrate the point you are making.
Here it is:
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Rovert Greene
Have fun, my pumpkinsunshinefaceheads...
After just staring at the words for a few minutes, and then thinking about what they meant while strung together, I agree with the quote. To me, it means that no one has niceness in their genes. It's something that comes out when a person is trying to make a good impression or get along with others. It can happen often or not, but whether it does is ultimately the person's decision. The simplest explanation to this I could think of is with siblings. I live with three older brothers and am the only. This most definitely means that my brothers pretended to be angels in front of my parents, only to become wrestlers from hell when they weren't looking. I'm sure everybody has done the same thing with their siblings if they have any. This also happens in school with the teacher and students. Students could act like their innocence is never ending until the teacher isn't around and they turn wild for whatever reason. We always want our teachers to think highly of us and assume that we do what we're supposed to, but in reality some people are actually jerks or bullies who are just getting away with it. In my opinion, people could simplify half of their life by being nice. If you choose to be nice to everyone, rather than just the people you're friends with, life can be more enjoyable and less stressful. Being nice attracts happiness, and happiness should be a priority in life.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the quote. In your personality, you can have a tendency to be more nice and more often, but niceness isn't really a character trait because you don't express yourself as nice to everyone. You can pick and choose, whether it's because you want to be friends with them or because you want something with them, it definitely seems more like a strategy of social interaction. This is clear in everyday life; when you interact with someone you can "strategize". You choose what to say and how you say it, whether it's nice or not so nice. You always have the decision of who you will be nice to on any given day, and that's why it's not a character trait.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, it took me a couple of tries to really reflect on the quote, but I agree wholeheartedly with it. Niceness or kindness is not something everyone is born with, instead it is something developed over time. As a person grows up into an adult, they realize throughout their life that “oh, if I do something nice for this person, then it makes them happy and it can also benefit me”. That is why society teaches us, right off the bat, that sharing is caring and treating others the way that you want to be treated and countless other random life lessons. Obviously not everyone flourishes and most of us stumble along the way, but eventually a vast majority imbue their kindness into the world constantly. Niceness makes people look really, really good at times, especially if they are being kind to a lover, friend, or role model. Once we are no longer around people that we actually care for, we can lose that aspect of kindness because it is a form of social interaction that can help make yourself look better and act in a socially acceptable manner.
ReplyDeleteI believe this quote is one hundred perfect true, and that there are different ways of looking at. This quote provoked a lot of thoughts for me, and I interpreted it in many ways. First, I believe another person’s decision to be nice to you absolutely can be ill-intentioned. Starting from a very young age and continuing into my teenage years, many people that were nice to me, ended up taking advantage of me. They used niceness as a way to gain my trust. In the end, their actions traumatized me. As a young girl these situations confused me a lot, I thought being nice meant you were a good person. Obviously that was proven to be untrue, given my situations. Of course this isn’t true for everyone but personally, I have become wary of those, especially men, who are immediately nice to me. I always think that there must be some sort of end goal. Second, I think there is a danger in teaching children that they must be nice, all the time, to everyone. I believe that society has conditioned young girls specifically to believe that. Many children begin putting the feelings of others before themselves. The problem with this is, if they’re in danger, how do you expect them to trust their instincts and get help when society has told them they must be nice and respect and listen to adults? That whole idea puts so many children in danger. However, I don’t believe this ends in childhood, I feel like because girls have been taught that they should be nice all the time, when they grow up, they are still hesitant to say no. I have found myself often saying “but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” In my opinion, this can apply to all areas of life- relationships, and general interactions with people. Furthermore, there is also this idea that when men are nice to women, women must owe them something. Whether it’s sex, or a relationship, I have realized that there are so many men who feel entitled- just because they are nice. Obviously, this is a pretty negative way of looking at the quote, and there are of course people who are nice out of their own hearts, but regardless I stand by what I said.
ReplyDeleteI have learned a few things from my freshmen and sophomore years. I like to think that I’m known to be a goofy person. Along with that, sarcasm trails in my jokes. I have gotten into some arguments or hurt feelings by the jokes I have made. I almost lost a friend and that experience shaped my perspective on a lot of things. Not everyone was raised like me. I needed to understand that I do say hurtful things and I never realized how they sounded until I opened my mind and put myself in the other persons shoes. From these experiences I learned that I need to be nicer. This quote says how you being nice is a decision you make, not something you were raised with. I believe this quote to be accurate because with my personal experience I have learned that I need to watch what I say, how to approach things in a nicer manor. Doing nice things makes you feel better and I believe it truly makes you a better person overall. I have so much love in my heart for the people I love and would do anything for them. Being nice is something you choose to do, people who are mean choose to act the way they do. They are aware of their actions. And I believe if they wanted to truly change they could.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice is not something many people can acquire. Some people grow up with such tough situations that the only thing they really know is to expect the worst and give off that energy into the world. Don’t get me wrong there are nice people in the world, yet how many of them DONT tell themselves in their head “oh crap I should say this cause it’s the right response”. Everyone has a voice in their head to tell them the difference between right, wrong and what to say. And that’s normal that’s human nature we can’t beat up ourselves for that. But it should be acknowledged that no one on this earth is perfect.
ReplyDeleteWe are all born with different color eyes and hair and appearances. They are something we inherit. A decision, like choosing to be nice, is not an inherited trait. Nice people are nice because they choose to be. They are not born with the characteristic of nice. It’s an effect of something that is decided or influenced upon. I have grown up in a respected environment where choosing to be nice was a responsibility. Am I nice all the time because of that? No. I do catch myself saying “I’m gonna do this because it’s the nice thing to do” or “should I do this to be nice?” This becomes before I make that decision to be nice or not. I choose when I want to be nice because it isn’t something that is in my DNA.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this quote because not everyone is a nice person just because. I always treat people nice because you never know what someone is going through, so a smile or a simple hi in the hallway might make their day better. But, I’ve also learned to not be too nice because people can take advantage of you. I learned this a lot growing up because most of my friends were nice to me just so they could use me for things. For a while, this changed my perspective on people because, at that age, I thought that all people were the same and it was rare to find someone that was a true nice person. It wasn’t until I met my friend, Silvia in 6th grade. She was the first friend that cared about my life and didn’t expect anything from me. You can choose who you want to me nice to and who you don’t. Just don’t be nice to people to try to be apart of their group or to get something from them.
ReplyDeleteNo...it's both...actually
ReplyDeleteno one is gonna ever convince me that people chose if they're gonna be nice or not and also don't try to convince that some people don't have niceness as a character trait. I'm not against this quote at all, I honestly like it because it's partially true in my opinion. Think of it this way, is it possible that everybody on Earth decide if they're gonna be nice or not? or is it possible that everybody on Earth has niceness as a characteristic trait? IT"S ALWAYS BOTH. BUT, getting into my personal experience like if i'm gonna describe myself then yes niceness is a decision. I decide whether I wanna be nice or not (most of the time i decide not to....JK haha). It feels good to be nice and it feels goodder to do nice things to people because they get so happy and you can actually make someone's day by your niceness. I'm a nice person but not so nice when i'm around my friends (sometimes we're mean to each other but it's not fr we're just joking with each other)
I definitely agree with the Quote by Greene. When it comes to whether you are nice to someone or mean, it depends on the situation. If someone you don’t like approaches you, you might be mean to that person, While on the other hand if someone your friends with approaches you you’re probably going to speak to them with a whole different attitude. Since a character trait is more of a way to describe someone's actions all the time. It would be like a generalization of the way they usually act and don’t usually differ from that, for example if someone is always trustworthy they will usually stay that way in other situations. It wouldn’t be accurate to say that niceness is a character trait since it most definitely changes from one situation to another, and even the nicest person is going to be mean sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer that being nice is a choice. We all wake up everyday and step out of the house making the choice on how we’re going to move through the world that day. Sure being nice to people may seem beneficial but I feel as tho people take advantage of an act of kindness and begin to walk all over you. Now I believe being kind and being nice are two different things. Everyone has the ability to show kindness and compassion to one another, and we often use this without even realizing it. Being nice is when it becomes a choice. Now I’ve never really gotten along with people, I've always been too stubborn to change my ways to get along with them. I mean even as a kid I didn’t have the best relationships with my parents who are supposed to be the very first relationship you make, and I still don’t. That’s most likely why I keep a guard up when it comes to human interaction. It’s always been easier to create a wall and block them out rather then let them in and get hurt. Since I continue to be in constant fear of people hurting me it’s just been easier not to be nice to them, and that’s a choice I know that I make.
ReplyDeleteThis quote couldn’t be more accurate. Being nice to people is not something that people are born with or do without having to try. Most people are nice because they want to be and sometimes their intentions aren’t so good. Some of the nastiest people in the world will be nice to somebody just to get something from them; that doesn’t mean they obtain a characteristic it means they’re making a choice. I remember at my old school we had this sub who was god awful. She always called us stupid, a disgrace and told us we would go nowhere in life (catholic is amazing) when we were in class but when it came to the end of the day and i parents came around she was always compliment us and put a fake smile on her face. She was extremely nice to us but she was nice to us so she could keep her job. It wasn’t one of her characteristics. Even with something totally different like your friends. You choose to be nice to them so you can keep them in your life it’s not really something that identifies you.
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ReplyDeleteNiceness isn’t something people are born with. It’s a way of life brought to you by your peers. Niceness might not be the right option for everyone in certain situations, but for some it is. It’s the way people are molded and raised on how their actions going on around them affect they way they handle the situation. The “nice guy” will always intend to do the right thing even though many will see it as a bad idea. The “nice guy” will sometimes do whatever they can to make someone happy because that’s just how they are. In my lifetime personally, I’ve seen the nice guy finish last. He’s done everything he could for the girl, whether it was staying up all night on FaceTime because she got scared watching a movie or bringing her food at work when she upset because of her period. Some thought the two were perfect for one another, while others hated the two being together because they thought the “nice guy” was being used, which he was.... In the end the two didn’t end up together and the “nice guy” was hurt while the girl was fine. He put in so much effort and time into this one girl only to get his heart broken by her. So that’s why I believe niceness is a trait, it’s not something everyone has, but those who do or have seen it understand that they’re genuinely good people out there who hope for the best in everyone despite of what they have done to them. Nice guys do indeed finish last in my eyes, but they learn in the process of how not everyone thinks like they do, so in the end they learn a lesson too.
I agree with this quote. Niceness is not something people are born with, it is something they develop depending on how they are raised and their experiences. People decide if they want to be nice to someone or not, depending on how that specific person treats them. If someone is always mean to me or gives me a bad vibe, I tend to not be as nice to them and ignore them altogether. When people are nice to me, it’s easier a lot easier to be nice to them. You can’t really count kindness as a trait because people are not always kind to everyone all the time. Kindness is a strategy of social interaction in a way. When I want something from someone I tend to be much nicer to them then I would normally be (especially with my parents). I have always used the word nice as a character trait in the past, but now it seems weird to use since niceness can’t be measured and isn’t always consistent. This blog post got me thinking a lot of reevaluating how “nice” I actually am to others.
ReplyDeleteI in a way agree with the quote. I agree that no one is nor ever was born inherently nice. But I do believe that there are people out there who do not need to make a conscience effort to be nice. These people through how they were raised or personal experiences they had while growing up were bestowed with the ability to be nice 100% of the time. But other then these people everyone else has to make a decision to be nice whether it is to make friends, have a good first impression or just to help out they have to think to themselves "okay it's time to be a good person". I personally teeter between the two. Depending on the day I may instinctively run the papers down that someone dropped or just sit and watch from a distance while I contemplate helping.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with this quote. You treat people kindly sometimes to get what you want or to reach a certain point. The way a person talks differs in certain situation and sometimes behaviour changes, too. I certainly use this with teachers I can not stand. For example, last year, I hated my Chemistry teacher, she made me feel completely dumb and was mean. But if I treated her the way I actually felt I would have certainly failed the class. Instead, I treated her with respect and tried my best to be nice in order to get a good grade in the class without getting suspended. So, I treated her a certain way in order to get what I want. But that is not always the case, sometimes you are really nice to a person because you want to be friends with them. Or you treat people nicely and kindly because you want to be treated the same and if you need that person in the future they are there to help. Sometimes I feel that having friends and family who care about you and you care about them builds up kindness.
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ReplyDeleteAfter some contemplation, I soon realized that I completely agree with the quote due to how true it is; we tend to pick and choose who we want to be nice to or what may be the nicest comment to say in a certain circumstance. For example, someone may be nice to their teachers in hopes of a better grade, or they may be nice to their classmates in hopes of answers to an assignment. Ultimately, niceness is used as a strategy of social interaction, primarily for personal benefit or to disguise struggles. Nobody is born with a trait for niceness, rather niceness is a strategy and decision that is developed and meticulously manipulated.
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ReplyDeleteAt first, the quote made zero sense to me at all, but after looking further in to it, it all makes sense. I completely agree with the quote. Pretty much what Greene is saying is that people aren't just born nice, they make the decision to be nice at times to achieve a goal. If you think about it, that's exactly what AP lang is about. We learn what to say and how to say it to achieve a desired purpose. For example, if I really want to do something, I'll be extremely nice to my parents and make sure they're in a good mood before asking. If they're in a good mood and I was nice, they are much more likely to say yes. Robert Greene is a very smart strategist and as much as I don't wanna believe it, his quote is true. People aren't just born nice like we tend to believe. They either develop that trait, or are trying to achieve a desired effect.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice is a choice. Undoubtedly. Often times, people will express emotions according to their moods, so niceness can vary on a day to day basis. Different people also influence the level of “niceness” that a person can exude, as relationships are another causation of fluctuations in amicability. A person can wholeheartedly choose to be nice, regardless of their upbringing. For example, someone with the shittiest experiences in the developmental stages of their life can CHOOSE to reverse the negativity that they were immersed in. Certain kinds of events shape people, often times causing a change of heart, sparking a “fire of niceness” within them. Of course, there are also the people who hate every second of life, wishing nothing but the worst upon their peers. That’s besides the point. I firmly believe that, yes, people can choose whether to be nice or not.
ReplyDeleteI do disagree with that quote. From my life experiences, I have been naturally nice I’m pretty sure. I never was really taught to be nice, it just came naturally from my parents I’m pretty sure. My parents are mostly nice too. I understand why most people believe why niceness is a choice, but for me, I have to be nice almost all the time. I’ve never gotten into a real fight or life changing argument. Maybe a future experience will change my mind though.
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